Dealing with self!

I’ve been trying to bare myself since a long time now. I’ve been trying to understand and give words to what I feel. Everytime some of my words get stolen forever. I’ve lost the understanding of despondence, turmoil and perturbation since everything is just the same for me now.
Numbness.
Crumbled bleak life.

What if someday I just loose my ability to feel the intensities of life?
What if the doomsday comes to my rescue and asks me to walk the dark aisle with it? What if I never meet hope and spend my entire life cantankerously, trying to settle my relationship with patience?
I’ve been trying to look for some congenial comrade and at the same moment I’ve been trying to live all by myself.
Such a pandemonium situation it is!
Our own self works head over heels to nauseate every breath that goes in.
We superfluously botch up things and relationships and then sit hapless under the midnight’s moon, cursing it for taking away all the stars.
We simply forget about the fiend who stays on lease under the skin and then we inculpate the destiny and the effing world who honestly has no interest in our lives.
Why do you think the world is after you?
Why do you consider yourself a carved model of sanctity who is above all the profane norms?

Dear, it isn’t like that.

Just peal off your tenuous skin. You simply don’t deserve it. Own up to everything you have been doing with yourself because the concomitant of all your deeds is the world you are surrounded by today!
Stop blaming it for chopping your dreams into smithereens because you yourself gifted it when you were high!

It’s very simple. You are prudent for everthing you are doing with your life and hence you need to own up to this.
Else take more years and kill your time cursing people and the ‘ Bad World’, as you say. But just remember everyday you are walking on your life’s road and you actually don’t know how long it is.
Just beware and get things sorted because you may even encounter the dead end at the next turn!

– Charul

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To Papa..

Dear Papa,

There is so much to say and so much to ask. I have always been very vocal in expressing my emotions to every single person; be it a known or an unknown fellow but when it comes to you, I just can’t! I don’t know why.

You know your goodness astonishes me everytime. Your ethics, principles and values in life is something I won’t be able to match upto ever. You manage to be there for everyone, you bring the whole family together still you prefer remaining at the end of the crowd and see everyone enjoying! How do you do this? I feel a little bad when I don’t get the credit for something I do and how can you be so selfless? You work so hard for us every moment.

I see you touching the feet of your father daily because you say that you’ve that guilt which you’re carrying. You left your job and came back because of some reasons. He asked you to stay and continue with your job but you didn’t. You regret the decision and denying your father’s advise. Everytime we sit to discuss about my career and you suggest something you always tell me to give a thought to your advise because you don’t want me to have any guilt.

There have been certain things in life which you didn’t want me to get into. Everytime you’ve tried to explain me the situation but some how I’ve managed to convince you. Life has even hit me on my face many times but still you’ve still been there to pick me up and everytime I’ve regretted being impulsive!

You wanted me to be a C.A but I didn’t wish being one. You tried to convince me many times for the same but then considered my wish to opt another profession. You succumbed your dreams for me just to fulfil my desires. I’ve seen you much more concerned and worried for my dreams even more than me! Mummy used to tell me about your anxieties. The letter you wrote to me after my breakdown was so emotive! I’ve been through my gallery several times but could never gather the strength to go through it again.

You promise me every support for my career but the only thing you ask for is my determination for the same. So proudly you ask me to get a bungalow for you of my money soon!

I saw your heavy eyes after my farewell. I could understand how tough it was for you to let me go! During my last days at home you used to take me for lunches and dinners every weekend just to spend some more time together.
After I shifted to the hostel we generally don’t have a regular talk and whenever we do it’s not more than 2-3 minutes. Whenever we talk you just ask me to rate how I am feeling. I began with 5 and as I started increasing it to 7 or 8 your happiness was seemless. Everyday you send me pictures of everything you find motivating. Be it the quotes in the newspaper or articles. You download inspiring images to send me and everytime I feel what makes you to do all this! You know what, nothing inspires me more than you. That day when I called you and said that I’ve not called for any work but just to have a talk, I could clearly sense your excitement.

Papa, the only thing I want say is that I’ll make you proud someday. I won’t let you down. I love you and Thank you for being there. Many times when I get distracted just having a thought about
you brings me back on the track.

I’ve been writing about allot many things but everytime I have tried to write this letter,I just couldn’t make it and ended up drenching the pillow. I hope to read this to you in person someday.

Charul.❤


Instagram writing account:

cuddled_emotions

When even sleep betrays, its time for self encounter!

Have you ever been in this state of extreme agony in your heart when every single thing around you just seems somber and mundane? When you don’t know the exact reason of this heaviness which is making it even more tougher every second to breathe. When you wish to cry but there are no tears crossing by your eye lashes. This is because the exquisite and picturesque farmland of your heart has turned into a barren desert, where getting a hold on your own self again is just a mirage?!

The most toughest moment in life isn’t when you loose or when you are struggling alone on the crossroads starving for love, concern and direction, rather its when you are probably walking on the road of your choice or may be the road which you had to choose because of the delicacy of the past situations and you are no more enthralled with it!
You are no more jiggered with the bird’s chirping or the squirrel’s hovering about on the trees while walking on that road. You no more find peace in the melody of the air which tries to seduce you.
Its when you’re trying hard to smile but you feel that the lip curve is no more pleasing. You just lie on your bed, trying to have some rest and to escape from the world for a while but you do everything instead of sleeping! Trying to decrypt the reason behind this heaviness you end up getting lost in the rotation of the fan blades.
Sleep is something which gives a tranquiled state of mind, to weave all the fantasies in your dreamland. It’s a temporary pause to the race. But many times we don’t get that peace. We sleep just to avoid that situation for sometime and not to fetch some serenity. You might notice that on many days you wake up feeling helpless with the same thought which you had had before counting the z’s and on the others you wake up satisfied and spirited. Ready for a fresh start!

What is it which holds back someone to be happy and not being able to sketch one’s state verbally?
Lack of introspection!
People do everything but just forget to understand themselves, their interests, dislikes, personality and fear. And sadly when they encounter such things in life it just takes away one’s slumber. Leaving the person to struggle alone at night.
It’s really remorseful to know that you actually don’t know about yourself and are living with such an unknown person 24×7!
So, its time to be friends with this unknown fellow and believe me you’ll end up falling in love.

The night seems dark and venomous but believe me nothing is more friendly than that enlarged black bedsheet embellished with silver pearls which beckons you to cuddle under and sleep!

So hey! Please sleep(Peacefully).

-Charul❤

A morning lesson.

Last night I was encircled by anxieties. The vexed emotions were pinching my skin and trying to seep in. The venoms were trying to hammer my emotions and weaken my relationships. I was convinced with the game plan projected because the sinister cape of the demons didn’t allow any ray of hope to peek in…
Then when I encountered the dawn it felt as if the sheet of bewilderments got dusted away. I could finally reach the ray of hope, cutting through the haze!
It honestly made me realise that one should step out of one’s brain, when there’s light all around or there’s a risk of falling in a pit and squeezing some valuble emotions to death!
-Charul ❤

Altering options.❤

I’ve realised that its perfectly okay to alter options.
Imagine yourself stuck in the middle of a gusty ocean, where the stoop of the waves are succumbing you.
You’re still valiant. You still want the golden thread embroidered to the sun!
But practically the horizon is a charisma in disguise.
Encompassing it, is tantamount to sacrificing your life and dreams under the waves.
Won’t it be better if you turn around and stretch out your hands for the gilded grains at the shore?
May be the real treasure lies there.
May be you just need to dig out the sand to get the gems.
You’re are the owner of your life, not a pirate.
It’s okay to modify it!

Opinion-15: 9 Months Later, This is Why I’ll Vote For Modi in 2019.

Hello lovely bloggers,

Parliamentary elections are round the corner in India and parties are ready with their shoes buckled to promote their manifestos.

Well but its high time now when we need to ponder pragmatically about our vote. It makes a difference.

People are bemused. Different parties are coming up with different promises and statements. Hence, our choice may play an evident role in carving our future.

Here’s a very subtle and realistic analysis of my friend Jayant Mundhra (shilanjan.com) which might help you in deciding your vote. It’s not a promotion of any particular party, but an honest opinion.

He’s a great political enthusiast and believe me if we give a thought like him, the Indian youth would create wonders. Check this link:

https://wp.me/p6sqIO-IF

Drug abuse and illicit trafficking.

The world today is getting drowned in malicious nightmare, which is englutting human lives. This nightmare which chokes life is called drug addiction. Drug addiction is a disease that affects a person’s brain and behaviour and leads to an inability to control the use of a legal or illegal drug or medication. Substances like marijuana, nicotine also are considered drugs. When you’re addicted, you may continue using the drug despite the harm it causes.

Its really shocking that many times teens get involved in this quagmire just because they feel its “very cool”; not realising the fact that it can cost their lives. It often starts as a recreation in social situations and gradually becomes frequent. For others it begins with exposure to prescribed medication.
People get an addiction of using balm and pills of certain types regularly.

Now the big question is that why do people actually get addicted to drugs?
In today’s race everyone aspires to achieve their goals and eventually they get so much engrossed in this race that they need something to rely on to get some temporary peace of mind. And what does this for them? Drug abuse and illicit trafficking!

We need to be realistic in analysing the source on which we are relying because this peace through drugs is a slow poison which acts in taking away the future peace forever!

As time passes drug addicts need larger doses of the drug to get high. Then it becomes increasingly difficult to go without the drug. Attempts to stop drug abuse may cause intense cravings and make you feel physically ill.

Its a serious threat as it acts like a termite to the generation. Generally people don’t wish talking to their kids or publicly about drugs or its trafficking because they feel its quite underrated! If people start discussing this and try finding the ways to abolish it completely, drug addiction won’t last anymore.
The society needs to talk about it, educate the ignorant and help the people struggling with it. Listen to the children when they talk about peer pressure patiently instead of lambasting them to do well. Many times parents get to know that their child is an addict when its quite late. For this its really important to know the symptoms, precautions and ways to get cured.

The symptoms are having a constant craving, doing risky things when you are under the drug influence, lack of energy and motivation, weight loss or gain, red eyes, change in behaviour, money issues, sense of euphoria, high blood pressure, vomiting, dry mouth and lack of interest in food, clothing and in all life!

There are various peculiar symptoms which may not be traced several times. We need to work together to educate ourselves regarding the same. Drug addicts should not be looked at as a disgrace because they need allot of care, concern and affection to come out of this web.

If drug use is dictating you, get help! The sooner you seek help the greater are your chances for a long term recovery. Talk with your primary doctor or see a mental health professional, such as a doctor who specialises in addiction psychiatry or a licensed alcohol and drug counsellor. There are various rehabilitation centres set up to help such people. If you are a drug addict, you need not feel guilty or pity about yourself at all! Believe me.
Just the fact that you’ve realised that you’re doing something wrong and you actually wish to give up on that is commendable. This shows that you worry about your well-being and also of your family’s. Just some control and you’ll be all fine and happy like others.

Now even if people stop using drugs, still if its trade continues in the market, they’ll incline towards it sooner or later. Drug trafficking is an illegal trade that involves trading, cultivation, dissemination and sale of drugs which is prohibited according to basic laws. For this its crucial to abandon drug traffickers and its trafficking.
This can be done by legalizing several drugs ‘watchfully’.
Adding more law enforcement officers.

Educating the society against this trafficking. Various campaigns like ‘ Just Say No’ and D.A.R.E are working successfully for the same.
Offering counselling, therapy services.

26th June is acknowledged as “THE INTERNATIONAL DAY AGAINST DRUG ABUSE AND ILLICIT TRAFFICKING DAY”.

The 2018 theme is- “LISTEN FIRST- LISTENING TO CHILDREN ANS YOUTH IS THE FIRST STEP TO HELP THEM GROW HEALTHY AND SAFE”. This day is a key plank in the United Nations’ war against drugs. The main agenda is towards the betterment of people suffering from drug abuse and sue the traffickers.

So come on lets smash off drugs from our society. Let’s not rely on this temporary, venomous and disguised happiness named drugs and move towards the true happiness and humanity. The world ardently needs this.

Life happened.

Is it really difficult to understand this story of one’s existence?
May be yes but once it is realised that its a story, it really isn’t.
Its just an inexplicable emotion to realise that all of it is written! Everything which is going on, not just around me but even within me is written and fixed. Its often said that certain people and things just don’t matter in one’s life but literally it does.
May be its just me who is real. Real not in terms of character but in terms of true and factual existence! May be whatever is going on in this world is just illusionary; just to make contributions in my story. People are succeeding, failing, falling in love, falling out of it, committing crimes, setting records, crying, laughing and doing all sorts of ginormous and weensy things to contribute in my life! Distance doesn’t matter. The person sitting next to me is a supporting actor and so is the person sitting in the farthest nations!
May be history doesn’t even exists. Those may be concoctions to help me channelise my energy and actions by getting inspired! May be future is just another illusionary word.
May be the most outrageous and malicious thing named death is the most enchanting experience. May be this life which I’m living today is just a trailer to the actual movie after death!
But something’s still wrong. If all of this is illusionary then what is stopping me?
What is it that I’m holding back? If I’m the protagonist then why am I allowing the supporting characters to take over my show?
How unrealistic my efforts are!
The reason is that may be I’m trying to make all these illusions around me real. And in this futile haphazard my real existence is going in vain. How can I do this?
Its my life. A story which can be written just once. Which can be felt just once.
Its a story which I may not be able to review once the ink is over. May be I’m trying to write a novel but my pen holds just some more ink for a small snippet.
Then what? Let’s just live this moment to the brim and squeeze every emotion out of it. It’s not over yet.
Firmly hold your pen to continue and let life happen so that when you put the last full stop, you’re contended.

When even sleep betrays, its time for self encounter.😪

Have you ever been in this state of extreme agony in your heart when every single thing around you just seems sombre and mundane? When you don’t know the exact reason behind this heaviness which is making it even more tougher every second to breathe. When you wish to cry but there are no tears crossing by your eye lashes. This is because the exquisite and picturesque farmland of your heart has turned into a barren desert, where getting a hold on your own self again in just a mirage?!

The most toughest moment in life isn’t when you loose or when you are struggling alone on the crossroads starving for love, concern and direction, rather its when you are probably walking on the road of your choice or may be the road which you had to choose because of the delicacy of the past situations and you are no more enthralled with it!
You are no more jiggered with the bird’s chirping or the squirrel’s hovering about on the trees while walking on that road. You no more find peace in the melody of the air which tries to seduce you.
Its when you’re trying hard to smile but you feel that the lip curve is no more pleasing. You just lie on your bed, trying to have some rest and to escape from the world for a while but you do everything instead of sleeping! Trying to decrypt the reason behind this heaviness you end up getting lost in the rotation of the fan blades.
Sleep is something which gives a placid state of mind, to weave all the fantasies in your dreamland. It’s a temporary pause to the race. But many times we don’t get that peace. We sleep just to avoid that situation for sometime and not to fetch some serenity. You might notice that on many days you wake up feeling helpless with the same thought which you had had before counting the z’s and on the others you wake up satisfied and spirited. Ready for a fresh start!

What is it which holds back someone to be happy and not being able to sketch one’s state verbally?
Lack of introspection!
People do everything but just forget to understand themselves, their interests, dislikes, personality and fear. And sadly when they encounter such things in life it just takes away their slumber. Leaving the person to struggle alone at night.
It’s really remorseful to know that you actually don’t know about yourself, still you’re living with such an unknown person 24×7!
So, its time to be friends with this unknown fellow and believe me you’ll end up falling in love.

The night seems dark and venomous but believe me nothing is more friendly than that enlarged black bedsheet embellished with silver pearls which beckons you to cuddle under and sleep!

So hey! Please sleep(Peacefully).

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