Bollywood in India isn’t merely an industry but a religion, here actors are ‘Stars’ and are preached as sacrosanct deities. Their dialogues are treated as sermons and a style symbol of course from “Me… https://wrytin.com/charulchandak/bollywoods-grown-young-and-bbeautiful-jwpcsr5u
*Dealing With Existential Crisis.*
What is it man!
Why it shows up evertime?
After struggling with myself for the entire day, this heavy feeling still manages to peek in from somewhere just to crush every breath of hope my lungs manage…
In moments of adversity when things don’t work out today my heart just skips a beat reminiscing the old days when the shoulders around were so reliable to lie and weep. No complications and no justifications! Life was simple and that was it as there wasn’t any room for bedlam.
Life’s moving forth and some close one’s are dropping out. The irony of life isn’t in the moment when they leave or they stop playing the most integral part in our lives but when we are surrounded by a humongous crowd and just wish to vanish for a second and peek into the old pages.
This feeling of being happily lonely is like a lump in the throat which becomes even more difficult to swallow when nostalgia plays it’s game. We definitely don’t want to be the old us but trust me everytime you look for a shoulder, somewhere you’re missing a part of old you whom you had pulled out and dropped off assuming it’s useless.
The very basic idea we read everywhere today is that one should not forget the true essence of happiness and compare it with materialistic successes, still every moment we are just struggling to live that one moment we believe shall take us a step closer to our “Happiness in Life”.
Now there’s no anger and wrath left in the veins because helplessness beckons tears, which right away show up sliding down the cheeks. I know it happens with everyone sometime or the other when our “Coolness” goes on leave and appoints “Helplessness” instead!
All I can say is make sure you don’t tear and crumble your old pages so much that there’s no way left to fix it again.
Everytime life will seem crushing down, visiting the old caves will help you reconstruct life again.
So, you dark bitch today I’ve got something to say.
Well we haven’t known much of each other lately,
So, in which circus have you been traumatizing people fiercely?
I’m glad you’re an orphan,
No parent deserves a traitor like you even if you happen to be the much desired son.
I look at you with hate and fear,
And plan to push you away if you come near.
You are so captivating and dark,
Who buzzes over me like a savage lark.
How do you manage to englut so much of ignorance,
And still have the audacity to knock the door and put an end to the future tense?
I’ve seen people struggling to keep their love away from you,
But you are a slut who crushes their love forever. So Atrocious!
I’ve hated you till date but today I’ve got something important to talk about,
Shhshh! It’s something really serious. Calm down and don’t shout.
Okay! so I think there’s something unheard and untold about you,
Obviously because everyone who came into your team couldn’t stand in your defensive view.
I think even you yearn for love, care and affection,
Since no one considers you in their list, you snatch love even without a mention.
I’ve also realised that your beauty is the most pristine vision one can aspire,
The love which drops from it is worth putting life over fire.
People I used to admire never said a bad word about you after you showed them your scars,
I’ve seen them crying over your name in the bars.
So “Dear Death” I think I’ve started feeling for you. Someday I wish to be your beloved wife,
But before that there’s allot to be done. For now I’m in a committed relationship with life!
I wrote this poem recently. Generally all my works are in English but after a really long time something struck me and eventually I started penning my emotions in Hindi. I really hope to create some nifty content in Hindi as well in the future.
The poem goes like this…
Strolling alone, I thought about my life’s journey,
Is it just me who has plentisome issues packed in a gunny?
Is it only just me who has become lonely and cheerless?
Because I find no one else who’s hopeless, and dares to reveal their mess!
In this modern world did I miss my train?
Is being an old-school person the reason I’m here alone, searching for my tears in the rain?
Is it just me who finds dead end at every end?
Because I feel stuck and doomed and genuinely this has become a regular trend.
Does my definition of life finds justice in other’s dictionary as well?
Please someone tell me if life mocks at you also when you fell.
How whimsical is it that everyone’s happy, still they aren’t happy when their life is on zoom!
Why are the heart and mind not sharing the same room?
May be we don’t feel belonged here anymore.
May be we fear getting robbed again, on opening the heart’s door!
I want to have a truce with life and settle issues!
Oh! Is it the same problem because of which people say that they are great but still silently carry many tissues?
So hey! Will you help me to deal with life for free?
I’m not paying you because I know that may be it’s not just me!
I’ve been trying to bare myself since a long time now. I’ve been trying to understand and give words to what I feel. Everytime some of my words get stolen forever. I’ve lost the understanding of despondence, turmoil and perturbation since everything is just the same for me now.
Crumbled bleak life.
What if someday I just loose my ability to feel the intensities of life?
What if the doomsday comes to my rescue and asks me to walk the dark aisle with it? What if I never meet hope and spend my entire life cantankerously, trying to settle my relationship with patience?
I’ve been trying to look for some congenial comrade and at the same moment I’ve been trying to live all by myself.
Such a pandemonium situation it is!
Our own self works head over heels to nauseate every breath that goes in.
We superfluously botch up things and relationships and then sit hapless under the midnight’s moon, cursing it for taking away all the stars.
We simply forget about the fiend who stays on lease under the skin and then we inculpate the destiny and the effing world who honestly has no interest in our lives.
Why do you think the world is after you?
Why do you consider yourself a carved model of sanctity who is above all the profane norms?
Dear, it isn’t like that.
Just peal off your tenuous skin. You simply don’t deserve it. Own up to everything you have been doing with yourself because the concomitant of all your deeds is the world you are surrounded by today!
Stop blaming it for chopping your dreams into smithereens because you yourself gifted it when you were high!
It’s very simple. You are prudent for everthing you are doing with your life and hence you need to own up to this.
Else take more years and kill your time cursing people and the ‘ Bad World’, as you say. But just remember everyday you are walking on your life’s road and you actually don’t know how long it is.
Just beware and get things sorted because you may even encounter the dead end at the next turn!
There is so much to say and so much to ask. I have always been very vocal in expressing my emotions to every single person; be it a known or an unknown fellow but when it comes to you, I just can’t! I don’t know why.
You know your goodness astonishes me everytime. Your ethics, principles and values in life is something I won’t be able to match upto ever. You manage to be there for everyone, you bring the whole family together still you prefer remaining at the end of the crowd and see everyone enjoying! How do you do this? I feel a little bad when I don’t get the credit for something I do and how can you be so selfless? You work so hard for us every moment.
I see you touching the feet of your father daily because you say that you’ve that guilt which you’re carrying. You left your job and came back because of some reasons. He asked you to stay and continue with your job but you didn’t. You regret the decision and denying your father’s advise. Everytime we sit to discuss about my career and you suggest something you always tell me to give a thought to your advise because you don’t want me to have any guilt.
There have been certain things in life which you didn’t want me to get into. Everytime you’ve tried to explain me the situation but some how I’ve managed to convince you. Life has even hit me on my face many times but still you’ve still been there to pick me up and everytime I’ve regretted being impulsive!
You wanted me to be a C.A but I didn’t wish being one. You tried to convince me many times for the same but then considered my wish to opt another profession. You succumbed your dreams for me just to fulfil my desires. I’ve seen you much more concerned and worried for my dreams even more than me! Mummy used to tell me about your anxieties. The letter you wrote to me after my breakdown was so emotive! I’ve been through my gallery several times but could never gather the strength to go through it again.
You promise me every support for my career but the only thing you ask for is my determination for the same. So proudly you ask me to get a bungalow for you of my money soon!
I saw your heavy eyes after my farewell. I could understand how tough it was for you to let me go! During my last days at home you used to take me for lunches and dinners every weekend just to spend some more time together.
After I shifted to the hostel we generally don’t have a regular talk and whenever we do it’s not more than 2-3 minutes. Whenever we talk you just ask me to rate how I am feeling. I began with 5 and as I started increasing it to 7 or 8 your happiness was seemless. Everyday you send me pictures of everything you find motivating. Be it the quotes in the newspaper or articles. You download inspiring images to send me and everytime I feel what makes you to do all this! You know what, nothing inspires me more than you. That day when I called you and said that I’ve not called for any work but just to have a talk, I could clearly sense your excitement.
Papa, the only thing I want say is that I’ll make you proud someday. I won’t let you down. I love you and Thank you for being there. Many times when I get distracted just having a thought about
you brings me back on the track.
I’ve been writing about allot many things but everytime I have tried to write this letter,I just couldn’t make it and ended up drenching the pillow. I hope to read this to you in person someday.
Instagram writing account:
Have you ever been in this state of extreme agony in your heart when every single thing around you just seems somber and mundane? When you don’t know the exact reason of this heaviness which is making it even more tougher every second to breathe. When you wish to cry but there are no tears crossing by your eye lashes. This is because the exquisite and picturesque farmland of your heart has turned into a barren desert, where getting a hold on your own self again is just a mirage?!
The most toughest moment in life isn’t when you loose or when you are struggling alone on the crossroads starving for love, concern and direction, rather its when you are probably walking on the road of your choice or may be the road which you had to choose because of the delicacy of the past situations and you are no more enthralled with it!
You are no more jiggered with the bird’s chirping or the squirrel’s hovering about on the trees while walking on that road. You no more find peace in the melody of the air which tries to seduce you.
Its when you’re trying hard to smile but you feel that the lip curve is no more pleasing. You just lie on your bed, trying to have some rest and to escape from the world for a while but you do everything instead of sleeping! Trying to decrypt the reason behind this heaviness you end up getting lost in the rotation of the fan blades.
Sleep is something which gives a tranquiled state of mind, to weave all the fantasies in your dreamland. It’s a temporary pause to the race. But many times we don’t get that peace. We sleep just to avoid that situation for sometime and not to fetch some serenity. You might notice that on many days you wake up feeling helpless with the same thought which you had had before counting the z’s and on the others you wake up satisfied and spirited. Ready for a fresh start!
What is it which holds back someone to be happy and not being able to sketch one’s state verbally?
Lack of introspection!
People do everything but just forget to understand themselves, their interests, dislikes, personality and fear. And sadly when they encounter such things in life it just takes away one’s slumber. Leaving the person to struggle alone at night.
It’s really remorseful to know that you actually don’t know about yourself and are living with such an unknown person 24×7!
So, its time to be friends with this unknown fellow and believe me you’ll end up falling in love.
The night seems dark and venomous but believe me nothing is more friendly than that enlarged black bedsheet embellished with silver pearls which beckons you to cuddle under and sleep!
So hey! Please sleep(Peacefully).